Alone in a Crowd

Lets face the facts, one of the best feelings in the world is finding a true and loving friend. A best friend who can lift you up on your darkest days or make you feel special. Its something even a introvert like myself wishes for. All I truly want is a friendship where I don't feel like I'm the only one putting in the effort. I've addressed bad friendship on several occasions but I know I am yet to see that phase of my life over with.

There are days when the idea of having a good friend whom I can trust and be assured that they wont leave seems impossible. I sit around not able to imagine someone caring enough about me to let me feel safe. I always feel like one day they'll up and walk away and I'll be alone again. People who I confide in often leave me and I have major issues with allowing people in because of it.

I do try to be nice to everyone in the hopes that one day someone will prove me wrong and show me that there are people out there who care enough to hold on. I'm not the easiest person to get along with, I'm quiet, sarcastic, awfully rude sometimes and too stuck in my own world but I know I can't be the only one who is like that. I'm always trying to find a positive twist on everything and I'm a genuinely nice girl but I tend to shut people out. I just feel that I need someone to want to break down my walls. I need someone who cares enough to try with me. I need a friend who will never give up on me because I will never give up on them.

I have all this love to give but no one to give it to. I have friends but I don't have true friends. I know when I leave school at least 90% of them will never speak to me again. I'm not much of a people's person so it will be okay but I know I still want them to. Maybe I need to change but what kind of friend would I have if I only got them because of a false exterior. I need someone to take me as I am right now and grow with me.

I feel so alone in a world full of all kinds of people. I'm alone in a crowd.

Here's one of my favourite songs at the moment, I feel like it embodies exactly how I'm feeling.